


A Beautiful Mess

by 1_not_angel_here



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fighting with the resistance and the first order, Flashbacks, Hux POV, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Normal Universe, On the Run, Probably ooc, The Force Awakens, ben is ignored because i like writing hux's pov, pissed off leia, some sad shit idk, why am i doing this with my life anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8629438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_not_angel_here/pseuds/1_not_angel_here
Summary: After the events in The Force Awakens, Kylo Ren and Hux flee the First Order and the Resistance on their own. They escape to a desolate tundra planet with both groups closing in.





	1. Part One

The wind whistled through the trees, carrying their dead leaves through the air, weaving through the dense woods in a quick procession.  
A sheet of ice covered the ground where the sunlight didn't touch. The sky was graying, and a white mist was settling over the landscape. Snow was coming early this year, and when it did the small planet would turn into one large blizzard for over three months. 

Smoke rose above the trees over a tiny clearing. Huddled under a thick blanket, two young men sat around the dwindling fire.  
The taller of the two had chin length wavy, black hair and dark eyebrows. He wore a black shirt and pants with a tattered cloak, which he'd wrapped around his shaking hands. He'd been lucky enough to snag fur lined boots from the First Order's inventory before they'd come to this planet. 

His companion's ginger hair had lost its usual shine and was sticking up from the wind. Instead of his usual military uniform, General Hux was wearing a simple tan shirt and black pants with a thick gray coat. Unlike Ren, the only way to keep his hands warm was to shove them under his armpits. 

Hux shut his eyes and rubbed his temples. This was a mistake. They shouldn't have left. They shouldn't have succumbed to the light. Now here they were, in this wasteland, alone and freezing to death. 

This all happened because they got too close.  
When Ren and Hux had first been assigned together they rarely spoke, and when they did it was only about work. But slowly as the months passed they began to talk more.  
They had a sort of understanding. Neither of them wanted to fail Snoke for fear of what he would do as punishment. They begun making sure the other succeeded following their orders.  
The two kept a safe distance until one night. Captain Phasma managed to sneak gin into one of the meeting rooms on the base.

Ren was such a lightweight too. Hux remembered snickering as he tripped walking to his quarters. The general had consumed a lot of gin, too much, as he later discovered. They'd kissed. Quite a bit too, before Ren passed out on the floor and Hux was forced to hoist him onto his bed. He slipped out the door as quietly as possibly and managed to get back to his quarters without running into anyone. 

He'd woken up in the middle of the night with a horrible pit in his stomach. It wasn't... that wasn't something First Order generals did. And yet he felt his heart sink sitting alone in the dark. 

The next day was hell pretending that nothing had happened. Hux couldn't look at Ren. In order to keep his sanity, he'd stared sternly ahead like he usually did when in front of his troops. 

That night they'd met again, this time sober. They talked and drank coffee for a long time. Finally Hux stood up to leave, when out of the blue Ren reached out to hug him awkwardly. Hux touched the shorter man's arm affectionately but couldn't bring himself to return the embrace. He pulled away quickly and power-walked back to his quarters, embarrassed. 

This game between them went on every night for a month. Slowly Hux accepted Ren's affections. They became closer. Sometimes Hux stayed up all night at war with himself. He knew the call to be with Ren was also a call to the light. It wasn't simply physical attraction, although he almost wished it was. Hux liked talking to Ren, listening to him talk about the things he liked and disliked, his family, why he'd left them. Things weren't simple. The two of them were a mess of goals and desires and regrets, pain, curiosity, anger, and fear. Doubt filled his mind about why he was with the First Order. Surely there was more to life than what he'd previously thought. It hurt to think that he'd been wrong, but it was something he needed to question. 

Perhaps they could have stayed like that for years, staying at the First Order and being with each other in secret. 

As Fate would have it, their lives turned upside down because of Ren's family. All it took was a Wookie, an ex-storm trooper, and Kylo Ren's damn father to jeopardize Snoke's plan. 

Hux lost track of Ren when the intruders attacked the base. He hadn't seen him all day because of some girl.  
He wasn't bothered when the fighting ensued. The Resistance hadn't been able to accomplish anything before then, why would that change now.  
Only after the fighting, when Snoke called him to go find Ren, did Hux begin to worry. 

He found him in the woods, passed out on the ground and bleeding from his face and leg. He held his breath as they hauled Ren onto the ship and out of sight. Did he really get beaten by some country girl and one poorly trained traitor? 

This was bad. Not only was his partner beaten, but he'd failed at stopping two Resistance members. Hux felt the light calling to him again as his heart pounded in his chest. What could he do? Pain and fear filled his mind. He wouldn't let Ren get hurt again, not by anyone. He realized with shock that he no longer cared about the First Order or their goal. So this was how the light felt. 

The General sat on a bench near the infirmary. He let his thoughts wander in the hours Ren was being treated. He'd been told with glee by a rookie that Ren had killed Han Solo. Maybe, maybe he wouldn't get punished. For some strange reason the thought of his partner killing his father made him feel sick. Hux's head began pounding. He was drawn from his thoughts by the doctor walking out and announcing that Kylo would made a full recovery. 

Without a second thought, Hux stood up and marched into the infirmary. He was unaware of the eyes of the other troops following him skeptically. His brisk steps made Ren open his eyes weakly. 

"General?" 

"Are you alright?" Hux's gaze pierced him. 

A minute passed before he got a response. 

"I killed him." 

The ginger sat beside him and stared at the ground. 

"Yes... but it doesn't have to be this way anymore. I was thinking-" 

He finally brought himself to look at Ren's face. Bloody bandages wrapped around his face and he could hear him breathing heavily. The General had never seen him look so upset before. 

Why had he done it? He wondered. Why kill Han Solo now?

"What?" 

Hux remembered he was in the middle of a sentence. 

"Are you being called by the light too?" He said, his shaking voice barely audible. 

Kylo Ren's eyes widened at first, and then regained their pained look. 

"Yes. I don't want to fight anymore. It hurts. Killing my- killing Han Solo didn't help. It made it so much worse. I hate myself. I-" He succumbed to a coughing fit.

Hux squeezed his hand. 

"I have no right to tell you what's right or wrong. But I believe you'll only feel worse if you continue to try and live in the darkness. Ben. You're from a family of Jedi. You've proven you don't have it in you to be in the First Order." 

"Don't have it in me? And you think I can join the Resistance and become one with my perfect family?" Ren's voice rose. 

"I just killed my own father! What the hell are you thinking, General?" His words were laced with poison. 

Hux took a deep breath. Perhaps he should have worded that better. He knew Ren's anger had nothing to do with him. 

"I was thinking we could leave. And live away from the Resistance and the First Order." 

Ren stared in shock for a few seconds. 

"A-are you sure?"

"I am. I chose you over the light or the dark. We can be on our own," Hux said slowly. 

His partner let out a relieved sigh. 

"I'd like that." 

In a rare moment of passion, Hux let himself plant a kiss on Ren's forehead.

"Just get yourself healed and I'll take care of the rest." 

And with that the General stood, clicked his heels together, and marched back out of the infirmary. 

He wondered if he'd momentarily lost his mind. Even as he began to doubt he knew there was no going back now. He'd made a promise to Ren, and he intended to keep it, come hell or high water.


	2. Part Two

The general already knew the guard schedule and the setup of Starkiller Base well, but he began double checking the number of fighter ships and escape pods. The hardest part was going to be how they could leave without being followed and what planet they should escape to. He ended up finding a larger, forested planet with heavy fog called Weyu. Slowly, he was able to gather a few supplies at a time and hide them in his private bathroom. His plan would work, he convinced himself of that much. Any shred of doubt, and he'd freeze up, quit, and kiss his life with Ben goodbye.

Every day after lunch, Hux visited Ren and made small talk under the watchful eyes of the infirmary staff. He was used to wearing a harsh glare around others, but it was harder to keep it up while he was planning their escape. The most he could offer to Ren to hint that he was carrying out his promise was a small smile when no one was looking. He wasn't sure Ren understood. 

It seemed like he was healing incredibly slowly. The gash on his leg from a blaster shot was nearly completely healed. But the horrible cut on his face still looked as nasty as ever. Sometimes he was in an awful mood from the pain. Usually, Hux would hunt down a treat from the kitchen and sneak it to him when he was like this. It helped some, he supposed.

Hux found himself sitting alone in the back rooms of the base often. Without the eyes of those reptiles on him, he was able to get rid of the angry mask he wore constantly and have time to himself to think. Mostly, he thought of the escape plan. He tried to account for as many variables as he could without becoming overwhelmed. Occasionally his mind wandered to the things he regretted, the painful things. It was easier to shove these thoughts down. After all, soon he'd have as much time and space as he needed to deal with his demons. 

One day, while he was walking to the infirmary, he overheard a storm trooper talking to Captain Phasma. 

"Captain, we have a situation. Over the last three weeks we've lost quite a bit of inventory. Also, someone's been logging into the radar room using one of the officer's card, even though we've proven he was somewhere else when the dates were recorded."

The captain tapped her fingers on the table in front of her loudly.

"Grab a team of troopers to start searching the ship until you find those supplies. If you see General Hux, let him know what's happening," she barked. 

Hux slowly continued to the infirmary, his breath catching in his throat. It'd take them a little while before they work up the nerve to go in his quarters. Even so, they had to leave immediately. They'd be short on some supplies, but they could manage. 

He inched into the room, immediately being seen by the nurse. His planning wouldn't fail them yet. 

"Hello general," the older woman said politely. 

"Hello," he responded with a stone cold expression, he eyes glancing around the small room. "Snoke believes Kylo Ren's recovery is dragging on too long. He told me I'm supposed to get him walking around the base as soon as possible."

The nurse seemed to consider this, flipping through Ben's chart carefully. 

"Well I think that's ok. His leg's fine, it's just his face you should be careful with. Just don't stay out too long," she said.

Hux nodded. It was damn hard for him to contain his adrenaline rush. He shoved his hands into his pockets to conceal their shaking. Ren gave him an intense stare, as the nurse helped him off the bed and onto crutches. Hux turned impatiently and started out the door, the click of his heels resounding through the empty hall. Ben grunted and limped as fast as he could to catch up with the General. 

"You seem off," he mumbled. 

The only response Hux offered was a sharp hiss to be quiet. 

Once they were out of sight of the cameras and crew members, Hux grabbed the knight's arm tightly and pushed him through a tiny door and down a dark hallway, one that was once used by the janitors, and led directly to the general's quarters. 

He glanced at Ben, who seemed to have guessed what might be happening and had quietly resigned to let Hux lead him. Hux watched him practically drop onto the bed, a look of intense concentration on his face. 

"They're investigating improper radio logs," Hux explained. He darted into the bathroom and began pulling the things he'd hidden out of a cabinet under the tub.  
"Sooner or later they'll come in here, and by that time our window of opportunity will be gone."

The knight's eyebrows shot up. 

"We're leaving now?" he asked. 

"Yes. It's our best option. I've gathered enough supplies here to last us a while. After that we'll have to rely on the planet's resources. It shouldn't be too hard to do on Weyu. It's got forests and fresh water."

Kylo rubbed his temples, and Hux could tell he was trying to bite his tongue, not wanting to disclose how worried this made him. 

"Some warning would have been nice. I knew you were planning to leave, but I thought we'd have a lot longer to prepare."

"I know. I'm sorry, but it couldn't be helped. Trust me, the sooner we leave this place, the better off we'll be," Hux assured. 

He moved closer to where Ben was sitting on the bed, and bent over him. He let his lips brush the edge of Ben's, a delicate promise that everything would work out for them in the end. They'd kissed countless times whenever they were able to be alone, but it still sent a rush through the usually composed general. He sat beside the knight, pulling him close and bringing their lips together. No matter what happened after, he would have the times alone with Ben to hold on to as long as he was alive. Ben ran his fingers through the ginger's hair, and for a few precious seconds the world seemed to slip away. 

We're beautiful, Hux thought. Everyone else can disappear. Rebels, troopers, Snoke, fuck them all. 

The only one worthy to be in Hux's world was Ben. Once they were on Weyu, they'd be free with their own untainted world, as beautiful as they were. But first they had to get there. Hux slowly moved back, out of Ben's arms, and back to the supplies he'd packed. 

"Well," Ben said. "I suppose you're right. We are two of the strongest here. They'll have a hell of a time trying to stop us if it comes to it."

"Did I just hear correctly? Did the great Kylo Ren just tell me I was right? I think I might faint," Hux's lips curled into one of his old sneers.

"Shut the fuck up you prick, or I'll take your supplies and leave without you. Injured leg and all."

The general was planning another retort, but he was beginning to seriously worry they'd be discovered any minute. He tied up the last of the supplies and ordered his personal droid to carry them to their escape ship. He helped Ren off the bed, trying to be gentle as he could without wasting time. An idea occurred to him. When the droid came back, he gave Ren's cructhes to it and ordered it to take it ahead to the ship and wait for them there. 

"Look I don't know what you're planning but-" Ben was cut off by Hux.

"They're too loud and will only slow us down right now. The only efficient solution is for you to get on my back," Hux declared.

"What? No way-"

Before he could get another word, the general hoisted him onto his back and rushed into the hallway. He navigated the back halls, trying to keep silent. They reached the hanger and made their way into a discreet smaller ship that he'd made undetectable by radar. The pair managed to get inside the tiny door with a fair amount of awkward movements, while the droid started the engine. 

"This is it. We're really leaving," Ben said.

"I was about to say the same thing. This is what you want, right? Just the two of us on an uninhabited planet. The rest of the messy world far away," Hux replied, a wild look in his eyes.

His zeal was contagious. Ben grabbed his hands and stared him in the eye.

"This world is worthless to me."

With that, the ship whizzed out of the hanger and into the dark, cold, infinity of space; a surreal setting for two fleeing lovers, poisoned by fragile, fleeting dreams, and a selfish hunger for the world to turn at their fingertips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note to self. don't take 4 month breaks in between chapters. not sure how consistent I am from the last chapter but?? oh well. It gets pretty melodramatic but eh, i love that drama guys. 
> 
> anyway thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be a two part short story but who knows.
> 
> I've had to write this on mobile at the moment but when I get access to my computer, I'll fix the weird formatting.  
> Thanks for reading!


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